M claims she's in Dallas this week

Why is it I have a sneaking feeling she's at this Lifetime cancellation protest in Denver?

President Allen's Numbers are Dropping

For those Commander In Chief fans out there - spread the word! Mac may not get through her first term, let alone re-elected for a second if the numbers keep dropping... only 10 million viewers this week, for a great show.

I guess a lot of people have been saying that the show lost its soul when the new producer stepped in... but here are my retaliations to people's issues with the show:

1. Too much like West Wing - I've never seen the West Wing, but I've heard great things about it. As the saying goes, "if it ain't broke..." Although it seems different, Lost is very much like Alias in the way the plot and character development is handled, but it is still a great show on its own. I bet this is the same.

2. Why did they make the husband the chief of staff? To be controversial! This makes for tension in the White House, and there is only so much you can do with the joke of a man playing the "first lady"...

3. Why is Templeton so buddy buddy with Allen now? I have a feeling that this will soon change, now that Allen has announced she is running for re-election. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, right?

In conclusion - watch this show! Its quality TV, something we don't get much of these days - although you wouldn't know it from the length of my picks list... :)

Google Away

X-Men and Indiana Jones are both great trilogies, in different ways. Just compare my crush on Wolverine to your weird man-crush on Harrison Ford.

Here.... click away:
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=divorce+lawyers

Oh and by the way

If you ever compare the x-men trilogy to Indiana Jones again, I'm going to start googling divorce lawyers.

Sure. . . Research

Whatever you say Fred Savage. . . "Research"

USA Today: "Its a Gay Gay World for Fred Savage"

Also, in response to M's rant below

1. You should not need consoling because an imaginary charcter died. Sorry.
2. You should especially not expect consoling if you are going to put appandeges of a sub-zero temperature on me while I am sleeping. I don't like this.
3. Lana Lang should not die. She is incredibly hot.

R.I.P Jonathan Kent

I. Can't. Believe. It.

They killed Clark's father???? I'll let you in on a little secret - I was fully prepared to cry for last night's 100th episode of Smallville. I had my box of kleenexes and everything, wondering who Jor El was going to take. I was surprised when Lana died, because there was so much buzz in the chatrooms saying that they saw a scene with Lana in a car crash, that I figured it must be somebody else. I didn't even feel that sad, because I figured it might have been a good way to segue into the whole Lois Lane thing. (And obviously, when Lois died, we knew it was fake, because you can't have Superman with out Lois Lane.)

Then I thought they would take Lionel - that Jonathan would kill him in the barn and it would be his first official scandal as a Senator... the minute I realized that it was Mr. Kent who really died, the tears started flowing... I couldn't believe it! DAMN YOU JOR EL!!!

I have to say though, what really put me over the edge was the funeral scene.... Tom throwing the dirt on his father's casket... Lana letting go of Clark's hand... Lionel giving Martha Kent the "look"... Lex watching his fantasy father's funeral, shunned, in the corner... it was all too much for me. I sobbed for a good few minutes after the episode ended (I tried to have T console me, but I was ignored. Stupid, insensitive T.)

Here's the characters I think should died instead:
1. Lionel - obviously, because I think now that Lex has been turning evil by himself, we don't really need him around.

2. Lana - I've always found her a bit whiny, but when she let go of Clark's hand when he needed her most, I wanted to slap her. Plus we need CK to get over her so he can move on to Lois.

3. Chloe - I actually really like Allison Mac and her character, but she's not an original Superman character, so I would have been okay with it.

For future episodes... will Martha step in for Senator, because her husband technically won the election? Or will Lex get his wishes with the Senate (and with Lana???) Who will Lionel tell about the secret he confronted Jonathan with?

Stay tuned... for now, we'll miss you Jonathan Kent!

Irena vs. The Tailies

I guess I'm still a little bitter about the fact that Lost, with it's never-ending popularity and network support, is still far inferior to Alias, which never really had network support, and is now cancelled just as the plot is getting better than ever. Let's do a quick compare and contrast of Seasons 2, shall we? I haven't done a list for awhile, so this should be fun!

Point 1: Open Questions
Both of JJ's shows are about a continual plot - lots of open questions that make the audience think. If We, the viewers, do a little bit of brain work, we get paid off in the long run with rich character development, almost invisible clues and a great story. Part of telling a story this long is that some questions are opened that will not be answered for weeks, months or in some cases, years. Again, there is some fun in this - a little anticipation can be quite enjoyable! However, Alias rewards its viewers every once in awhile with *answers*... Yes, Syd's mother is alive and Yes SD6 can be brought down. Lost seems uninterested in answering any of its questions, but it loves to add more questions. We are half way through Season 2 and we still don't know anything about anything really!! Who are the others? Where's Walt? Why is Locke so weird? NOTHING!

Point 2: New Characters
Irena Derevko is one of the best characters on TV EVER. She is a smart, strong, complex woman. Even if you never really know how good or evil she is, you still love her! While Eko of the tailies is interesting with his drug dealer/priest thing going on, we already hate Ana Lucia because she killed Shannon right when we started sympathizing with her... and the writers seem uninterested in writing them into the script for the second half of the season anyway.

Point 2A: Cast Management
In Alias, we only ever followed Sydney's life, and then a few other main characters: Vaughn, Jack, Sloan... as much as I love them, the other characters only had secondary, manageable plots (Irena, Nadia, Lauren, Sark, Dixon...etc). In Lost EVERYONE is a main character... to manage that many primary plotlines is a nightmare... the payoff may never come!! This show could go on for 20 years and we still may not have the complexity for a single character that Alias has built for Sydney. Yes I love character development, but by the time Michael or Walt comes back, I'll have forgotten everything that is told to me already!

Point 3: Episode to Episode Plots
Yes - the basic plots to both shows are pretty amazing, but in Season 2, I was still hanging on to every word coming out of the characters' mouths. I would watch the clock between commercials getting upset that there were only 12 minutes of Alias left for that week... every episode was heart stopping. Lost has had some pretty amazing episodes too this season, but they've also had some pretty so-so ones (like from last night, or the Hurly one). And for those who watch both shows relgiously - can you honestly tell me the ambush of the Others onto our Survivors was as cool as the amazing post-Superbowl takedown of SD-6, followed by the Syd-Vaugh kiss? There is just no way.

In the end, as far as Season 2s go, Alias was just a better show - and in my opinion always will be. This being said, I do love Lost, but I feel that it may go stale long before the Networks cancel it. Alias had one bad season (4) - and it was good bye.

I Apologize To Jack

But NOT to T.

Who's Jack Baur?

I know a Jack Bauer. . .he works for CTU!

It's sacrelige to mispell that man's name. I demand you apoligize immediately.

Where In The World Is Jack Baur?

Here's how you can find out:

http://www.wayfaring.com/maps/show/4698

A Pair of Jacks

Yes... it's true, the former Full House cast isn't doing very well... however, Bob Saget is the narrator to one of my new favorite comedies - How I Met Your Mother. And although I'll miss Jake in Progress, the news is that if (and it still is an "if"... ABC hasn't fully cancelled it yet) it gets cancelled, John Stamos will likely join the cast of ER full time. Although I hate ER (the only medical show I like is Scrubs), it is considered a hit show, so good for Stamos. Also, don't forget that Dave Coulier made his comeback with Skating With Celebrities (albeit a terrible comeback - I've heard the show is head-stabbingly painful) and Lori Laughlin (sp?) did have a mini-cult following with Summerland on the WB... and as for DJ... how quickly we forget her memorable performance in the Lifetime original movie She Cried No!!

All in all.... not quite a Full House, but not quite a draw either.

I Heart Wolverine

Click Here to watch the X3 trailer now - it looks awesome! After watching X2 (one of the best sequels in history), I know that this could be a trilogy to match Star Wars, Indina Jones and... actually, I guess I don't know that many trilogies. But if you like the intelligent plot lines and deep character development of Alias, Lost, 24 and Battlestar Galactica*, then you will love this series. These movies are not just for the comic book geeks analyzing every scene from their parents' basements - they are intriguing and easy to follow even for people who have never picked up a comic book in their lives! Just like Batman Begins was one of the best movies of 2005, I think X3 will be the peak of the 2006 Summer Blockbuster season. In the words of Mr. Moviefone - "Run! (Don't Walk!)" to rent X-Men and X2: X-Men Evolution this weekend!

*Note: No, I haven't actually watched even one episode of Battlestar Galactica yet, but I am very confident that after Alias ends, this will be my replacement favorite show.

A Black and White Cookie

It appears that UPN and WB are going to be merged into one network. I find this pretty funny, as there are no black people on the WB and very few white people on UPN.

Can racial harmony be far behind?

Paging Bob Saget. . .

Not such good times for the former Full House crowd. Jake in Progress bites the dust (again!), which is happy times because it's another thing M the TiVo hog can't use, and Page Six reports that Jodie Sweetin (Stephanie from Full House) is addicted to crystal meth!!!

Stephanie! What would Uncle Joey say?

Just Start Doing Porn and Get It Over With

I'm sure M can come up with a clever big wig conversation about Emily's Reasons Why Not. . .but how the hell do you promote a show so aggressively even though you never saw a script. . . and then you realized Heather Graham was a terrible actress? Somebody get me a job in Hollywood. I could just as easily suck that bad.

And seriously Heather. . . I hear Cinemax pays cash. You're going to be needing the extra money.

http://tv.yahoo.com/news/ap/20060122/113795904000.html

I Have No Shame

Just finished watching High School Musical on the Disney channel. No - I am not ashamed! Long live Disney movies, ABC family movies and Lifetime movies! Sometimes I think that maybe (just maybe) at the age of 25, I might be too old for the Disney channel. Even with these negative thoughts floating in my mind, I decided I would give HSM a chance - and I am so glad I did! I love Broadway, Bollywood and pretty much anything with coordinated singing and dancing and lots of costume changes... and this movie musical was no let down. Although the lyrics were a little bit too "cute" at times, the tunes were catchy. And although lessons were attempted to be taught to the audience (i.e. Be Your Own Person! Don't Submit to Peer Pressure! You Can Be Anything You Want To Be!) I still had a fun time watching, and yes, I do feel a little bit more confident in myself!! At and the very least, it renewed my enthusiasm to drag T to more broadway musicals (sorry T, you know it had to happen sometime!) If you have kids - definitely watch along with them. If you're like me and just enjoyo watching the Disney channel... okay, okay, I know the chances that *another* 25 year old watching the Disney channel outside of a babysitting gig is pretty much slim to none... but at the very least try and catch the basketball scene in the first 15 minutes of the movie - the choreography is pretty cool.

Look at it this way... At least Disney Channel movies are still better than my disasterous Beautiful People low of TV watching. (Although I heard that Season 2 of BP will be starting shortly..................)

YOU DON'T KNOW JACK

I am upset that they killed President Palmer, though I know it was probably for the good of the show. The plotlines with him have basically run out. However. . .I really hate Chloe and Edgar. I find them both to be annoying, ugly and useless. . .I would not be upset if they were incinerated in some sort to CTU bombing (of course, I thought Edgar's mother dying last season was hilarious).

Jack Bauer is a badass though. This season of 24 is looking great.

Also, congrats to M for watching all of season 1 right before the season 5 premiere. She really is the Michael Jordan of TV watching.

New Game

Alright – now we’re going to play a new game. It’s called “Lets Pretend We’re the Network Big Wigs”. Today, I’ll play the role of CBS.

BW #1: We need a new show to get a younger audience.
BW #2: I’ve got an idea, how about CSI: Vatican City?
BW #1: No, we already cater to that audience. It’s got to be racier – more Fox-like!
BW #2: OK... how about a show with Sarah Jessica Parker and 3 friends gallivanting around New York City? They can go to fancy clubs and lunches and talk about their dating life? SJP can have a quirky, off-beat job and she’ll narrate to the audience.
BW #1: Great idea! Oh wait... I think some cable channel did something like that already... Sexy City or something like that...
BW #2: Oh.... well, why don’t we replace SJP with Tom Cavanaugh? Girls like him because they think he’s a “nice guy”. Tom and his 3 friends can gallivant around New York City, going to fancy clubs and lunches to talk about their dating lives. Tom can have a quirky off-beat job and he’ll narrate to the audience.
BW #1: That’s Brilliant!! Never been done – original stuff!! But what will we call it?
BW #2: My wife has a book in the bathroom called “Love Monkey” – how about that?
BW #1: Done and done.

www.IHateSantino.com

This week, Heidi gave her blooming designers an ice-skating challenge – design an outfit for Silver Medalist Sasha Cohen. As usual, Santino sucked big time. He tried to design a “phoenix rising out of the fire” but it looked like he glue-gunned a bunch of red feathers and scrap material on what could have been a pretty pink bodice. Why do the producers insist on keeping him on? Even Heidi said “This week I’m ready to give my Auf Weidersane to Santino”. Yes, Emmett’s design was a little on the boring side, but it was at least *wearable*!!! No rational person would ever wear most of what comes off Santino’s sewing machine. And I don’t understand why he wears his hair and beard styled like a homeless person. Plus, did I mention that I just plain hate Santino?

Well... They Said Season 5 Would Start With A "Bang"!

I know I have a ton of TV to catch up on, but first lets deal with 2 day, 4 hour season premier of 24. President Palmer is finally assasinated! I've only seen Seasons 1 & 4 of 24, but Season 1 was all about Palmer's assassination (unsuccessful thanks to our beloved Jack!) (Side note on that, I invested my whole holiday weekend to watch Season 1, and I got through it all in 2 days - now THAT is dedication to being a couch potato!) So, yes, it was a great episode - Michelle's dead, which is apparently sad for a lot of people who are invested into her character, but I really wasn't, so I wasn't too upset. Palmer is dead and Jack is blamed - this is great TV people! And Tony is badly wounded - do I smell a mid-season recovery and vegence for Michelle's death coming on? You betcha! Chloe is sleeping with new hot guy at CTU - and Edgar is acting jealous. Doesn't get better than this! All this aside - all I could really think about is how much I hate President Logan. T kept saying throughout the episodes that Logan is the new Sherry - now I've only seen Sherry in action for Season 1 - and she was incredibly annoying, but she is no Logan!! What is wrong with him?! I always feel that it must take a great actor to make me hate a television character so much, but come on - there are limits - the actor himself must be the most annoying person on earth - nobody can "act" that irritating, I don't care if its "method" or not!! Logan makes me want to jump into the tv set and strangle him to put us viewers (and Jack!!) out of our misery. As for the introduction of Logan's wife - yes, she seems a little hysterical, but I'm not averse to her yet... I think so far she's misunderstood... and I loved her ploy to get the access card from the secret service guy in the bathroom! Then there's Jack's new girlfiend Diane and her son. I don't really care about either one, except that I feel that if I'm going to watch TV then I want to see pretty people in the casts. I can see ugly people in real life - I don't need to waste my TV time on them! Why couldn't they cast the son to be good looking? Then he would immediately go from the audience being annoyed with him to the audience having sympathy for him. Just some superficial food for thought.

My TiVo Hates Me

For those of you who have dogs, do you ever notice that they act out if you leave them alone for extended periods of times? They'll chew up a slipper or leave a "present" for you in the living room... well, my TiVo acted out because it was neglected for two weeks. For the past few weeks, I've been around the world and back - London, Delhi, Atlanta, New York; the whole time I was dreaming of my TiVo, and feeling sorry that I left the poor thing behind in a cold apartment. In Heathrow I was anticipating the "Booze Cruise" episode of The Office; in the Indian Desert I was dreaming about mischief the Bluth Family had gotten themselves into in Arrested Development; from way back (and I mean WAY back) in the economy section (read: cattle class) of my Virgin Atlantic Airbus, I was loathing Santini and couldn't wait to see him voted off in the next Project Runway.

Well when I returned home, I found out that Dunder-Mifflin, the Bluths and Heidi were all ignored... the TiVo froze right after the holiday break - which means right before all the new episodes started airing. Needless to say (but I'll say it anyway)... I WAS PISSED. But like any of your children/pets/entertainment systems... I couldn't stay mad for long.. I reset it and hoped it realized how much I loved it. Keep reading for updates on all my... um, I mean Your... favorite shows!

60% of What You Say Is Crap

BRA-FUCKING-VO

http://www.crooksandliars.com/2006/01/04.html#a6571

Why is it that the only people in the mainstream media with balls seem to be comedians?