A Pair of Jacks

Yes... it's true, the former Full House cast isn't doing very well... however, Bob Saget is the narrator to one of my new favorite comedies - How I Met Your Mother. And although I'll miss Jake in Progress, the news is that if (and it still is an "if"... ABC hasn't fully cancelled it yet) it gets cancelled, John Stamos will likely join the cast of ER full time. Although I hate ER (the only medical show I like is Scrubs), it is considered a hit show, so good for Stamos. Also, don't forget that Dave Coulier made his comeback with Skating With Celebrities (albeit a terrible comeback - I've heard the show is head-stabbingly painful) and Lori Laughlin (sp?) did have a mini-cult following with Summerland on the WB... and as for DJ... how quickly we forget her memorable performance in the Lifetime original movie She Cried No!!

All in all.... not quite a Full House, but not quite a draw either.

I Heart Wolverine

Click Here to watch the X3 trailer now - it looks awesome! After watching X2 (one of the best sequels in history), I know that this could be a trilogy to match Star Wars, Indina Jones and... actually, I guess I don't know that many trilogies. But if you like the intelligent plot lines and deep character development of Alias, Lost, 24 and Battlestar Galactica*, then you will love this series. These movies are not just for the comic book geeks analyzing every scene from their parents' basements - they are intriguing and easy to follow even for people who have never picked up a comic book in their lives! Just like Batman Begins was one of the best movies of 2005, I think X3 will be the peak of the 2006 Summer Blockbuster season. In the words of Mr. Moviefone - "Run! (Don't Walk!)" to rent X-Men and X2: X-Men Evolution this weekend!

*Note: No, I haven't actually watched even one episode of Battlestar Galactica yet, but I am very confident that after Alias ends, this will be my replacement favorite show.

A Black and White Cookie

It appears that UPN and WB are going to be merged into one network. I find this pretty funny, as there are no black people on the WB and very few white people on UPN.

Can racial harmony be far behind?

Paging Bob Saget. . .

Not such good times for the former Full House crowd. Jake in Progress bites the dust (again!), which is happy times because it's another thing M the TiVo hog can't use, and Page Six reports that Jodie Sweetin (Stephanie from Full House) is addicted to crystal meth!!!

Stephanie! What would Uncle Joey say?

Just Start Doing Porn and Get It Over With

I'm sure M can come up with a clever big wig conversation about Emily's Reasons Why Not. . .but how the hell do you promote a show so aggressively even though you never saw a script. . . and then you realized Heather Graham was a terrible actress? Somebody get me a job in Hollywood. I could just as easily suck that bad.

And seriously Heather. . . I hear Cinemax pays cash. You're going to be needing the extra money.

http://tv.yahoo.com/news/ap/20060122/113795904000.html

I Have No Shame

Just finished watching High School Musical on the Disney channel. No - I am not ashamed! Long live Disney movies, ABC family movies and Lifetime movies! Sometimes I think that maybe (just maybe) at the age of 25, I might be too old for the Disney channel. Even with these negative thoughts floating in my mind, I decided I would give HSM a chance - and I am so glad I did! I love Broadway, Bollywood and pretty much anything with coordinated singing and dancing and lots of costume changes... and this movie musical was no let down. Although the lyrics were a little bit too "cute" at times, the tunes were catchy. And although lessons were attempted to be taught to the audience (i.e. Be Your Own Person! Don't Submit to Peer Pressure! You Can Be Anything You Want To Be!) I still had a fun time watching, and yes, I do feel a little bit more confident in myself!! At and the very least, it renewed my enthusiasm to drag T to more broadway musicals (sorry T, you know it had to happen sometime!) If you have kids - definitely watch along with them. If you're like me and just enjoyo watching the Disney channel... okay, okay, I know the chances that *another* 25 year old watching the Disney channel outside of a babysitting gig is pretty much slim to none... but at the very least try and catch the basketball scene in the first 15 minutes of the movie - the choreography is pretty cool.

Look at it this way... At least Disney Channel movies are still better than my disasterous Beautiful People low of TV watching. (Although I heard that Season 2 of BP will be starting shortly..................)

YOU DON'T KNOW JACK

I am upset that they killed President Palmer, though I know it was probably for the good of the show. The plotlines with him have basically run out. However. . .I really hate Chloe and Edgar. I find them both to be annoying, ugly and useless. . .I would not be upset if they were incinerated in some sort to CTU bombing (of course, I thought Edgar's mother dying last season was hilarious).

Jack Bauer is a badass though. This season of 24 is looking great.

Also, congrats to M for watching all of season 1 right before the season 5 premiere. She really is the Michael Jordan of TV watching.

New Game

Alright – now we’re going to play a new game. It’s called “Lets Pretend We’re the Network Big Wigs”. Today, I’ll play the role of CBS.

BW #1: We need a new show to get a younger audience.
BW #2: I’ve got an idea, how about CSI: Vatican City?
BW #1: No, we already cater to that audience. It’s got to be racier – more Fox-like!
BW #2: OK... how about a show with Sarah Jessica Parker and 3 friends gallivanting around New York City? They can go to fancy clubs and lunches and talk about their dating life? SJP can have a quirky, off-beat job and she’ll narrate to the audience.
BW #1: Great idea! Oh wait... I think some cable channel did something like that already... Sexy City or something like that...
BW #2: Oh.... well, why don’t we replace SJP with Tom Cavanaugh? Girls like him because they think he’s a “nice guy”. Tom and his 3 friends can gallivant around New York City, going to fancy clubs and lunches to talk about their dating lives. Tom can have a quirky off-beat job and he’ll narrate to the audience.
BW #1: That’s Brilliant!! Never been done – original stuff!! But what will we call it?
BW #2: My wife has a book in the bathroom called “Love Monkey” – how about that?
BW #1: Done and done.

www.IHateSantino.com

This week, Heidi gave her blooming designers an ice-skating challenge – design an outfit for Silver Medalist Sasha Cohen. As usual, Santino sucked big time. He tried to design a “phoenix rising out of the fire” but it looked like he glue-gunned a bunch of red feathers and scrap material on what could have been a pretty pink bodice. Why do the producers insist on keeping him on? Even Heidi said “This week I’m ready to give my Auf Weidersane to Santino”. Yes, Emmett’s design was a little on the boring side, but it was at least *wearable*!!! No rational person would ever wear most of what comes off Santino’s sewing machine. And I don’t understand why he wears his hair and beard styled like a homeless person. Plus, did I mention that I just plain hate Santino?

Well... They Said Season 5 Would Start With A "Bang"!

I know I have a ton of TV to catch up on, but first lets deal with 2 day, 4 hour season premier of 24. President Palmer is finally assasinated! I've only seen Seasons 1 & 4 of 24, but Season 1 was all about Palmer's assassination (unsuccessful thanks to our beloved Jack!) (Side note on that, I invested my whole holiday weekend to watch Season 1, and I got through it all in 2 days - now THAT is dedication to being a couch potato!) So, yes, it was a great episode - Michelle's dead, which is apparently sad for a lot of people who are invested into her character, but I really wasn't, so I wasn't too upset. Palmer is dead and Jack is blamed - this is great TV people! And Tony is badly wounded - do I smell a mid-season recovery and vegence for Michelle's death coming on? You betcha! Chloe is sleeping with new hot guy at CTU - and Edgar is acting jealous. Doesn't get better than this! All this aside - all I could really think about is how much I hate President Logan. T kept saying throughout the episodes that Logan is the new Sherry - now I've only seen Sherry in action for Season 1 - and she was incredibly annoying, but she is no Logan!! What is wrong with him?! I always feel that it must take a great actor to make me hate a television character so much, but come on - there are limits - the actor himself must be the most annoying person on earth - nobody can "act" that irritating, I don't care if its "method" or not!! Logan makes me want to jump into the tv set and strangle him to put us viewers (and Jack!!) out of our misery. As for the introduction of Logan's wife - yes, she seems a little hysterical, but I'm not averse to her yet... I think so far she's misunderstood... and I loved her ploy to get the access card from the secret service guy in the bathroom! Then there's Jack's new girlfiend Diane and her son. I don't really care about either one, except that I feel that if I'm going to watch TV then I want to see pretty people in the casts. I can see ugly people in real life - I don't need to waste my TV time on them! Why couldn't they cast the son to be good looking? Then he would immediately go from the audience being annoyed with him to the audience having sympathy for him. Just some superficial food for thought.

My TiVo Hates Me

For those of you who have dogs, do you ever notice that they act out if you leave them alone for extended periods of times? They'll chew up a slipper or leave a "present" for you in the living room... well, my TiVo acted out because it was neglected for two weeks. For the past few weeks, I've been around the world and back - London, Delhi, Atlanta, New York; the whole time I was dreaming of my TiVo, and feeling sorry that I left the poor thing behind in a cold apartment. In Heathrow I was anticipating the "Booze Cruise" episode of The Office; in the Indian Desert I was dreaming about mischief the Bluth Family had gotten themselves into in Arrested Development; from way back (and I mean WAY back) in the economy section (read: cattle class) of my Virgin Atlantic Airbus, I was loathing Santini and couldn't wait to see him voted off in the next Project Runway.

Well when I returned home, I found out that Dunder-Mifflin, the Bluths and Heidi were all ignored... the TiVo froze right after the holiday break - which means right before all the new episodes started airing. Needless to say (but I'll say it anyway)... I WAS PISSED. But like any of your children/pets/entertainment systems... I couldn't stay mad for long.. I reset it and hoped it realized how much I loved it. Keep reading for updates on all my... um, I mean Your... favorite shows!

60% of What You Say Is Crap

BRA-FUCKING-VO

http://www.crooksandliars.com/2006/01/04.html#a6571

Why is it that the only people in the mainstream media with balls seem to be comedians?

Hiatus

Faithul readers: (which pretty much is limited to my sister and my college roommate!)

I will be away on vacation around the world for the next two weeks... so my blogging will be on a temporary hiatus. What I'm excited for when I return:

1. My TiVo'd Project Runways
2. Scrubs is returning!!!
3. OC moving to 9pm timeslot to replace reunion - which lets me watch Alias & Smallville in peace at 8pm on Thursdays.
4. New episodes of all my fave shows which haven't been on since Thanksgiving it seems!

The new year also gives a chance to reflect on those who have left us... so lets take a moment of silence for those shows that are in a better place.... Kitchen Confidential & Reunion, we'll always remember you!

Also, hold Arrested Development in your prayers... its in a coma of sorts, and hopefully ABC or Showtime will pick it up before it finally goes to that big network in the sky.

Happy New Year!

Too Twisted... Even for Me

So I watched F/X's Nip/Tuck last night... what a sick, twisted show. The reason I tuned in for the season finale is because my favorite TV reviewers (Kristin from E!, Ask Ausiello, Matt Roush) have all been hyping the episode because of the big reveal of a serial killer, "the Carver", that has been terrorizing the show all season. By reading the spoilers, I, too, became interested in seeing who the Carver was, even though I've never watched the show in my life, and didn't know any of the characters or other plot lines. This show had every demented plot that you could think of: murder, gore, rape, incest, ad-hoc surgery, transvestites, nazis, deformed babies, cutting off members with a box cutter... I'll admit defeat the rare times it happens - but this show was just too much for me. I thought that the graphic plastic surgury scenes would be a little nauseating, but they were like Disney scenes compared to everything else.

For those of you who don't watch, here's a quick summary: basically the doctor we thought was evil from the beginning of the show (Quentin) turned out to be the Carver, as a newcomer would have guessed from the moment we see him. But the twist was so was his sister (Kit), who coincidentally also happened to detective in charge of the Carver case (we didn't know they were sibs.) And by the way, after we see them escape to Malaga after faking Quentin's death, we are led to believe that they are probably incestuous. A secondary plotline revealed that the son of one of the main characters (Matt) was forced by his ex-girlfriend's crazy nazi father to cut off his other ex-girlfriend's penis. (They broke up when the son found out that he was dating a transvestite, and beat him up, but then his plastic surgeon dad "fixed" him because he felt bad and then they became friends.) A few other things happened in the episode, but I didn't even notice compared to these two plots.

For those of you who do watch, from the boards, I gather that you are unhappy with this ending, because of many, many plot holes. I can see why - even as a first time viewer, I wasn't that upended by the reveal.

Sorry, folks, this is a show that I just can't watch... all the weird stuff aside, I can't stand a plot with holes in it....

First Sark, Then Vaughn (Kind Of), Now Irena....

How GREAT was Alias last night... even at 8 months pregnant, Sydney is smart enough to subconsciously stop the bad guys... and then we find out.. they're not really bad at all... its her mother, Irena Derevko, behind it all!!

I know many people were dissappointed when they found out that Vaughn's return was only a hallucination... but I thought it was done magnificantly! All our favorite scenes re-done - altered to help Sydney through this bizarre, drug induced fog. Obviously the minute the "voice" showed concern about the baby's health we knew it would be Irena, but I'm glad that Lena Olin herself shows up in the final minutes of the episode (instead of reprising the terrible spoken IM messages that were shown in the beginning of Season 3 with Jack).

So this brings up so many questions!! First and foremost, what is Horizon.. notice that they have been looking for it for 30 years... isn't that about how old Sydney is?? Then Irena - is she part of the Watchman? Does she run it? How is she related to DeSantis? Is she related at all to Rene then? What are her plans for the baby? While this was a classic Alias, I hope this is the last one that opens any more questions... after the hiatus, the show will hopefully focus on ANSWERS.... although this episode made me very, very sad that this was the last season. 3 months until we find out...

Guilty Pleasures

Why oh why do I channel surf? Look at my picks - I clearly have enough TV to watch without getting hooked on anything new!! But I did... I ventured up to the triple digit numbers on Satellite and came across Bravo last night. Nothing against Bravo, but pretty much the only reason I know that channel exists is because of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy... a great show (but T refuses to be enlisted, much to my dismay!) Anyway, as I was saying, I came across Bravo and Project Runway. This is a show that I have heard a few people talk about (including my buddy J, who like me, will also watch anything that Matt Roush or Ausiello from TVGuide.com tells us to!) but I guess I always assumed that it was the same thing as Tyra's America's Next Top Model. Two mistakes: 1) I didn't realize that I would like to watch ANTM and 2) Project Runway is nothing like it... but its still fun to watch.

This show is about designers (not models)... these characters are a riot!! Ok, ok, I know they're "real people", but I'm a staunch believer in the fact that there's no such thing as "Reality" TV, and at the end of the show there is a long disclaimer flashed on the screen saying that cuts are made in conjuction with Bravo and the producers of the show... meaning, they keep the people that are interesting to watch. To be honest, I had to fast forward through a lot... Heidi Klum tends to repeat herself a million times, and there is a lot of dramatic pauses... so there is like 30 watchable minutes in the show, even though it is alloted a full hour. But Heidi is a very watchable host, and I love that she is pregnant but still looks incredible! Well, after two episodes in a row, I got hooked, and added it to the Season Pass.

Speaking of guilty pleasures, I fully intend on watching ABC's Dancing with the Stars this season... I heard it was a million times better than So You Think You Can Dance, and since its a short season (filling in Alias' timeslot while its on maternity hiatus for Jen Garner), I thought I'd give it a chance.

Victoria Secret Fashion Show

So this came up while channel surfing last night, and was strangely mesmerizing... a lot of it focused on the fact that this was Tyra Banks' "retirement" from being a fashion model, which of course drew me in because of my new strange facination with her... the whole thing kind of makes you want to never eat again... normally when I watch runway shows (which isn't often, but happens from time to time), I think, "okay, they're skinny as hell, but have no real womanly shape, and their faces are ugly"... not so with VS models... I guess to model underwear you pretty much NEED to have the womanly curves (while still looking like a size negative three) and these woman were GORGEOUS. The first thought that always comes to mind is: "At least I'm smarter than them!!" While this may be true, what is it really getting me? They have more money, more fun... well pretty much more of everything except food... but the food they DO eat is still much, MUCH more exquisite, to make up for quantity. It seemed entirely unfair... plus they got a night of wearing giant wings & bows (who wouldn't want to do that??) Anyway, just thought I'd share my off-beat night of TV... god I wish new episodes of ANY show would start again so I don't feel bad sitting in front of the TV with my Big Mac.

No Apologies

Because of the ridiculous North East snow storm, I have to work from home today.... of course the biggest perk of that is getting to do your work in front of the TV.... yes, I have just discovered the Ellen Show... the only downside of the whole thing that I can see is that I didn't know how great it was before. She has her own DJ! She just does whatever the hell she wants and it looks like so much fun! And she has better giveaways than Oprah... if you get a chance, take a look... NBC, weekdays at 10am.

My Wife Has a Problem

Nothing more needs to be said:

From: M
To: T
Subject: New find

I LOVE THE ELLEN SHOW. I want to go be part of the audience (except it films in stupid burbank).

Kate's Crime & ANTM

So... let me get this straight... Kate didn't kill Wayne because he abused her mother, or because he was hitting on her... but because he was her biological father? But she still (seemingly) had a great relationship with her other father? And then her mother just gave her up to the police? Okay... at first, I thought that this was a great crime she committed, especially as he tried to grab her just before she blew him up, but when she went into her explanation, it made her seem so.... sappy. Don't get me wrong, I loved the episode, but I definitely like her a little less. And now are Kate and Sawyer together? Argh, I love this show, but it will never be Alias to me.

Also... while waiting for Lost to come on, I watched my first full episode of America's Next Top Model... the reason I even bothered was because over thanksgiving break, I got to watch an episode of Tyra Banks' talk show, which I've heard is doing quite well... well the episode had a mini version of ANTM, and I kind of got into it, so I thought, why not watch the real thing? I can see why this show is so popular! Honestly, I normally hate reality tv, but this was kind of fun, because the girls are so stupid, and you know how I love to judge those kind of people! There was a whole "situation" where some girl ate some other girl's granola bar, so the second girl poured the first girl's red bull down the sink, and then REFUSED TO APOLOGIZE! What drama! Anyway, its almost a parody of itself, with Tyra as the ringleader, but still pretty enjoyable to watch. I don't know if its making the TiVo season pass or anything, but the next time I surf through, I may not be so quick to change the channel.